in my head: Plans, Paint, & Petrified Pit Bulls.

My house went up on the market today. Crazy, right?

Well, probably not that crazy for you. Very, very crazy for me and mine.

It feels like an eternity ago since we returned triumphant from Lubbock and began the process (the very fast paced process) of getting this house ready to list. I didn't really know what to expect.

Luckily, Determined Deb had already begun planning her attack.

GETTING THE HOUSE READY TO SELL

Chapter 1: The Unfolding of the Plan

About three weeks ago my mom, aka Deb, informed Tyler and I that she would be coming over twice a week, at the very least, from 9 am until around 5 pm. Tyler and I, so young and unaware, said "oh, okay?" not really knowing why we were staring at 40+ hours of work looming ahead of us in the not so distant future. "Our house is so cute!" said we. "I think a good dusting should do the trick!" we offered. "We could vacuum once or twice and probably call it good!" we exclaimed.

With the confident smirk, Deb said "Uh-Huh. We'll see about that."

Actually, I think she said something like "WHAT, YEAH RIGHT! You guys are nasty little piglets, I just hope three weeks is enough time to clean that place up. NASTY PIGLETS!".

But the other way sounds cooler. And doesn't have the whole piglets part in it.

Chapter 2: "You Bettah' Werk"

I wish the actual working part was as fun and sassy as the title of this particular chapter (RuPaul inspired, OBVI) but sadly...it was less voguing and more crown molding. Don't judge me for that weak sentence, it's the best I could do.

Honestly though, when Deb unraveled her full To-Do list out I think my jaw may have dropped.

Here are some Disney gifs to give you an idea as to what I looked like in that moment. Why Disney? WHY NOT?!

Scuttle=Tyler

And Deb was all like

Okay, okay, she wasn't scary about it. But when Deb has her game face on you know shit is about to get real.

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The first phase was prepping for the staging of the house. Basically, what that means is we had to pack all semblances of Tyler and I actually living here away. Not only did this mean just going ahead and boxing the nonessentials to get out of our way, it meant paring down in general. Mainly for Yours Truly. I mean, I have a lot of stuff so...I get it. That didn't make it any easier though. There was a lot of

"C'mon, have you worn these shoes in the past two years? No? Then they don't get to come!"

"You're saving that blanket? I don't think the people of Lubbock will let you in with something that jank! Bye, blanket!"

"Tyler only has like 11 shirts, Kelsey! Stop making him give one away just because you have to! I'm so sorry, Tyler. You're a brave, patient man, huh?" While I'm over here all like

okay, enough Disney.

....etc. etc. etc.

In the end, despite how difficult it was to part with the knick knacks and baubles that have collected around this house over the past five years, it really is nice to finally be rid of some of the junk. All joking aside, I'm truly glad that in the "paring down" process, we probably eliminated the need to buy at least 10+ more XL moving boxes. Full of crap I wont even want to unpack in our new home.

After that first phase was finished, the second and most time consuming phase began- deep cleaning, painting, repairs and overall sprucing.

In like four days we had repainted the entire hallway, all of the doors, the baseboards, any necessary touch ups in literally every room, as well as most of the cabinets in the kitchen.

We vacuumed like 9,000 times and then shampooed the carpet in every room 2-3 times.

We shampooed the loveseat and the couch.

I repeat.

We shampooed the loveseat and the couch.

WHEN DEB SAYS DEEP CLEAN, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT HUNTY!

We replaced the guest bedroom door (that Winston tore up in a needing-to-potty induced rage back when Addie lived here) and the backyard door handle. We re-caulked the guest bathtub and toilet. We used this incredible little invention named "Shop Vac", which is exactly what it says. It's a little tube of a vacuum used in like scene shops and construction sites and stuff. It has a thousand different nozzle heads and can freaking get just about anything up. I was amazed. I named him Steve. He is my new friend. Just kidding, I make Tyler use him. But he's my dudes new friend and I'm all about it.

During this time we also had the entire roof redone as well as the gutters. Plus we had two windows replaced. Plus plus, Deb planted some flowers out front.

A lot of stuff going on, right? Stressful, right? Could be a little overwhelming, right?

Which leads me to

Chapter 3: The Case of the Petrified Pit Bull

Winston. Is. Over. It.

Vacuums have always kind of given him the willies, so imagine what a regular vacuum, Steve the Shop Vac, AND a carpet shampooer did to the poor guy.

Pair those three monsters with the fact that all of his parents stuff was getting thrown in boxes (and his stuff, too! We packed his wardrobe away! Even the tutu! What?!) and having to deal with a plethora of strangers in and out and on top of the house and whaddaya' get?

A shaking, shivering, immobile, pouting, won't-come-out-of-the-closets and/or corners, sad, sad pup.

To make matters worse, he stepped on something jagged outside and it cut his little paw so we've had to ghetto rig a cast on his foot until we get to the vet on Tuesday.

lol @ the pink and green duck tape, not lol @ sad Hoonst

Suffice it to say, Winston is ready for things to stabilize a bit.

We all are.

Chapter 4: To Market We Go

We had done it, y'all. We had accomplished the crazy list that my perfectionist Mother always knew we would. (Non negotiable, if Deb is committed to something, it will happen. She's pretty neat that way.) Though the days were long and the chores were tedious, it was all totally worth it. My mom was right. Yet again. Like always. We are little piggies, dammit. :)

After spending days being splattered with paint, drenched in sweat, and tackling dust bunnies (which, BTW, looking nothing like actual bunnies. Like. How rude.) we had done it. Okay, mainly my amazing parents had done it BUT Lyler and I helped as best as we could.

Today was the day. Our realtor, Karen, came over to check out the house and take the pictures for the listing. She was amazed at how much had been done, she actually hadn't seen the house since she sold it to us five years ago! Here's a little taste of the changes we've made:

Crazy, right? You can imagine her surprise!

Anywho, she went through and took the pics and just a few hours later sent me the listing.

It's up. We did it. The house is on the market. It's on effing Zillow and everything, so you know it's gata' be legit.

I'm not sad yet, just tired. And excited.

I know it'll hit. I'm not sure when or where, I'm not sure what will trigger it. But I know it'll hit and I'll probz be a mascara dripping, ugly crying mess.

For now though, I'm just proud.

So now I think I'll pour a glass of wine, sit next to my gimpy wimpy dog, and bask in the accomplishment of it all.

I'll leave you babes with a few pics.

Enjoy! I know we have.