I keep coming back these days.

Uhhhhh, I'm so nervous and fidgety.

One of my former professors has asked me to be their guest for an improv troupe rehearsal (I guess, of sorts?) tonight.

On one hand:
I feel really lucky to be the person of all her former students to get an invite like that. I really did love her class, it was possibly my favorite class I've taken thus far in my college career. I'm sure that it'll be a fun evening filled with some improv, chatting, and (most importantly) some networking with women who are actually active and known in the Oklahoma Improv community as well as various theatres (OSP, Ghostlight, etc.) which is really amazing.

On the other hand:
I'm anything BUT an improv pro. Two semesters of it and I'd still call myself a pretty painfully novice performer most of the time. This, along with the fact that though the networking is amazing and the opportunity is a very big compliment....being the new person in a room of friends and colleagues really stresses me out. Rarely is my anxiety disorder a problem in my adult life, but I will admit that in situations like this, it really does flare up. I really hate that, because in my (hopeful) field of business you HAVE to connect with people, introduce yourself and throw your personality all over the room if you want to be remembered, and being remembered just may be what can get you cast. This is a quality I have always admired in many of my friends/classmates. Though I do pride myself in my work, who cares if I don't have the guts to actually go up and audition for something or take workshops or get coffee or blahblahblah with the people who can help me further my career?

All I do lately is complain and rant.
I'm sorry for that.

I really hope that tonight goes well. I almost always laugh at myself for all the hype I put into things like this once thing are said and done. I hope this is another instance.

But for the record, my nerves can suck it.